


I LIKED YOU BETTER!

by ang3lba3



Category: Homestuck
Genre: (from the trickster arc), Addiction, Alcohol, Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Roxy: Pale For Everyone, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-19 16:06:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7368313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ang3lba3/pseuds/ang3lba3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The new world isn't everything it's hocked up to be, when everyone thinks you're someone else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I LIKED YOU BETTER!

**Author's Note:**

> on tumblr at [this gorgeous blog ;)](ang3lba3.tumblr.com)

  1. HOUSEWARMING GIFTS.



 

Roxy stares at the paper bag under Jake's arm as obviously as she can - she's made the greetings, she's invited him into her can-house. It's time to unload the gifts cutiepie before she dies of curiosity and excitement.

 

Jake, in typical Jake fashion, doesn't notice at all.

 

"I love what you've done with the place! It looks absolutely spiffing, old girl." he admires the elaborate wall hanging that Rose had knitted Roxy - a replica of the wizard that had been hanging on the wall of Rose's hallway. She captured every shitty pixelation effect, poured hours of effort into it. Roxy was still working on her reciprocation gift - something even better, not because she wanted to beat Rose, but because she wanted to show how much she appreciated it.

 

"Thank you!" Roxy says, grinning. She nudges him toward the table and rifles through her cabinet to crack out the sparkling white grape juice. It's a special occasion after all - her first visit from Jake since the game ended. Maybe her first visit from him in general, now that she thinks about it. She’d always been closer with Janey, as far as physicality went, and with Dirk over pesterchum.

 

The upside of their casual friendship being that it was the only one that hadn't been marred by the game, of course.

 

"Oh, no need for that, I've brought along refreshments for while we beat our gums," Jake said with a wink. He pulls out of the bag a fucking huge bottle of vodka, some dry vermouth, and a thing of olives.

 

Roxy swallows on a dry throat, and winces back like she should be making the cross at it.

 

"That was great of you Jake!" she says enthusiastically, trying to hide her disgusted and slightly scared reaction. He meant it nice, he was just a doofus. "But... I've got something even better."

 

She presents the sparkling juice with exaggerated gusto, and he laughs.

 

If he comments on how weak the sparkling juice is like he thought it was wine or champagne, and if when he leaves Roxy spends a longer time staring at the vodka and dry vermouth than necessary before pouring it down the drain with an internal cringe -

 

That's no one's business but her own.

 

  1. LET'S PESTER OUR OLD BUDDY, OLD PAL



 

"Hey!" Roxy says, leaning over Dirk's shoulder. "It's about time we had a break, isn't it?"

 

They're in his workshop, and despite the new planet somehow providing electricity to everything (whether plugged in or not, and God that was annoying with alarm clocks in the morning) he still has a need to keep himself busy and that takes the form of making a renewable power source generator. Roxy assumes that it's because when he's busy he's not spending time with Jake, because it's obvious to anyone who looks that he isn't taking this 'just friends' thing so well. 

 

But he doesn't talk about it, and Roxy knows better to push him until he's ready, so all she can do is pressure him into taking breaks to hang out with her. She’s there under the guise of helping but with him obsessively hoarding the plans she’s really there just to make sure he doesn’t work himself into a coma.

 

"There's whiskey in the freezer if you're jonesing that bad, but I just took a break half an hour ago," Dirk says curtly, ignoring her.

 

Roxy freezes, body going cold at the nature of the abrupt dismissal. 

 

Then she realizes - oh. The last time he'd seen her, she was flying high on Trickster juice and absolutely sloshed on top of it. After that awkward adventure in which she basically tried to drug and rape him (and mostly succeeded) they hadn't had the time or the inclination to talk that much.

 

_ He doesn't know, _ she thinks quietly to herself, and focuses on the other half of his statement.

 

"That was a bathroom break! And you took blueprints in with you! It does not count DiStri, and we're getting some food in you. Come on," she says, tugging at his shirt until he puts down his pencil with a displeased sigh and follows her to the kitchen.

 

No matter what he said, he was in a significantly better mood after he scarfed down two sandwiches and a cup of coffee.

 

  1. I liked you better when-



 

Things with Jane have been rocky for a while. They had a reunion hug sure, but... it's hard. The closeness that they had back in the game before the boss fights is gone and all that's left is the occasional small chat when they run into each other by the alchemiter or see each other at one of her Dad's barbeques. Roxy's not exactly sure  _ why _ they aren't as close. Maybe it's because Jane has her dad back, and a new set of relatives to bond with and baby. Maybe it's because Roxy spends so much time with Dirk.

 

She misses her like burning. 

 

So when it's the anniversary of two years sober, she's surprised to see a package on her doorstep. She's surprised that anyone would have remembered.

 

Enclosed is a simple note in Jane's old fashioned blue handwriting that rests on top of tastefully crumpled cotton candy pink gift wrapping paper. Roxy squeals and admires it for quite some time without actually reading the note, wanting to draw out the experience.

 

The note is simple - an apology, and a promise to make more time for her. It suggests that they meet up later that day and Roxy allows herself to hug the note to her chest, not too careful not to crumple it.

 

Finally, she allows herself to put the note down and pull the paper away, heart in her throat at what Jane would give her. Jane knows her the best of anyone, and always chooses the perfect gift. Not on the level that Rose can, but Roxy supposes that that's because she grew up with Roxy's alt and has 50% of her DNA.

 

"Oh my God," she says faintly when the gift is revealed. She takes a step back, then another, keeps walking until she presses herself against the wall and slides down it.

 

Inside the tasteful gift box is a bottle of cake vodka. 

 

Roxy feels like she might be sick.

 

There are two options: either Jane became cruel somehow, or the self that died for Roxy to be here never stopped drinking.

 

She cradles her head in her hands as Jane's voice echoes in her head,  [ an old insult ](http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=007435) , one immediately taken back but said with too much conviction to be anything but sincere.

 

Roxy spends several minutes like that, holding her aching head and trying to work through the conflicting emotions. Because there are so many in her right now - shame, disgust, fear, sorrow. Her friends from this timeline - they've never met her. Not the her that was hidden under addiction and empty liquor bottles and denial. The things her alt self said and did were different from what she said and did, and now there's this feeling of absolute separation, of alienness. No one here knows her. 

 

John is from her timeline, sure, but he doesn't know her, not like Janey or DiStri or Jake knew her. She is alone, she is adrift, and all the people who watched her struggle her way through a chronic addiction are just... gone. 

 

She's been in denial, she hasn't mourned for the friends she lost outside of nightmares. Because - well, they're right there aren't they? Almost exactly the same, with all the same memories. 

 

But that's not true.

 

Everyone is dead, including her. 

 

Roxy stands, walks toward the bottle, reaches out a hand like she'll touch it. She doesn't, but she wants to.

 

It would be so easy to be the person they expected. So easy to slip into where her alt had left off - no one would even notice. 

 

They might even... like her better that way.

 

She stares at the bottle, looks at the note, and cries.

 

_ I LIKED YOU BETTER WHEN YOU WERE DRINKING. _

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was prompted and beta-ed by my good friend Cinnamonstrous, and inspired partially by this post: http://cannibalswelcome.tumblr.com/post/146761412871/chad-buskin-if-fefeta-was-responsible-for-roxy
> 
> on tumblr at [this gorgeous blog ;)](ang3lba3.tumblr.com)


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